Under the Scotsman's Kilt
by themagnificent ME
Summary: Song Fic, Under The Scotsman's Kilt  it will make you giggle  What happens when 2 teens find a drunk Scotsman? IN A KILT! Also why does everyone this Alfred's a liar?


Iain stumbled out of the bar. It was pretty obvious by the way he stumbled and lurched that he had drunk far more then his share. Ian lurched and stumbled as he headed home. Eventually he gave up and stumbled into a small park to sleep.

XXX

Alfred and Matthew were walking down the street when Matthew noticed what appeared to be a body lying in the park across the road.

"Alfred look," Matthew tugged on his brothers sleeve pointing to the lump on the grass.

"Oh my god!" Alfred exclaimed bounding across the street to get a closer look with his brother following close behind. "Mattie I think we found a dead body!"

Alfred's theory was proven wrong when said body let out a loud snore.

"Oh,"Alfred said sounding rather disappointed that the person was in fact alive and not dead before his attention was quickly grabbed by something else. "Hey Mattie, why's the dude wearing a skirt?"

"It's not a skirt Al it's a kilt" Matthew explained patiently. 18 years living with his loud mouth brother had at least taught him patience.

"Ooooooh," there was a beat of silence as both boys contemplated the drunken man. "Wanna see if it's true?"

"What?" Matthew asked not understanding Alfred's question.

"You know! If they don't wear no undies!" Alfred elaborated looking at his brother as if he was very stupid.

"What!" Matthew looked around nervously. He wanted to know but looking up a sleeping man's kilt was not the politest thing to do besides the man might wake up. "No Al we can't what if he wakes up! What if someone comes!" He hissed at his brother, better safe then sorry.

"come on don't be such a wimp!" Alfred laughed before lifting up the edge of the kilt so he could see.

With one more nervous look around Matthew bent to get a peek.

It was huge.

Matthew felt his cheeks begin to burn as he openly stared at the mans large member.

"Wow." Alfred quickly dropped the kilt back down. "I didn't think anyone besides the commie bastard was that big." He glanced at the man his whole face red before quickly standing up and tugging on Matthew's sleeve. "C'mon Mattie let's go!"

"Wait, let's leave him a little something. Matthew said quietly an intense look in his violet eyes.

"What?" Alfred said, he couldn't belief his ears! Mattie, his sweet little brother Mattie who always carried a stuffed bear around with him wanted to leave something, leave what!

"Well," Matthew replied nervously, blushing profusely. "I think he deserves a little something, for the show."

Quickly before Alfred could stop him or before he lost his nerve he knelt down flipped the kilt back up and removing his teddy bear's blue ribbon tied it in a bow around the the bonny star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.

As soon as the deed was done and the kilt pulled back down Matthew bolted leaving a stunned Alfred, who gave chase a few moments later.

XXX

Iain woke to natures call a few minutes after the two brothers had fled and stumbled towards some trees, behind a bush he lifted his kilt and gawked at what he saw before he said in a startled voice, "Oh lad I dunno where ya been but I see you won first prize!"

XXX

The next day

"Artie! Artie! Artie!" Alfred yelled bursting into the annoyed British teens house the next morning. "Guess what Mattie did! We saw this drunk dude on our way home from the movies last night and he was wearing a kilt so we flipped it up to see if it was, you know true about them not wearing any undies! And it is but that's not important! We were about to leave but Mattie was all like "we need to leave him something for the show" and tied Kumawhatsits ribbon around the guys dick!"

for a moment Arthur wondered how Alfred managed to get all that out in one breath without choking on his tongue before the words actually sunk in.

Matthew, the same Matthew who always carried around a teddy bear and who Arthur was reasonably sure had never even been kissed had tied a ribbon around some strange man's cock.

Looking at Alfred with a disgusted look Arthur calmly replied, "Alfred don't lie about your brother."

"Why does everyone say tha-"Alfred stopped talking and stared at something behind Arthur.

Turning around Arthur saw his older brother stumble into the kitchen clearly hungover.

Stumbling towards the cupboard the Scotsman grabbed a glass and some Advil clearly deciding to ignore the teens till another time he filled his glass with water and stumbled back out.

"Artie," Alfred whispered. "That was the guy."


End file.
